We went to the office for lunch. Then he was kinda sleepy so I decided to slip him in his carseat and go to the mall. I took my ring to the jewelry store and he was starting to fuss a little, but I got the ring turned over for sizing, and he was calm, so we continued. We stopped at the calendar stand and got calendars for everyone, and by this time he was nearly asleep. So I went into the bookstore, and he was sound asleep before I even picked up the first book. So I decide to go to JC Penny's for a nursing top. He is still sound asleep in his carseat in the stroller. So I pick out a few tops, go into the changing room very annoyed that the handicapped one was taken and shoved him stroller and all into the smaller changing room and began to try on the tops. On the 5th top, he wakes up.
Not just wakes up, wakes up wailing. I am done, so I put my own top back on and I'm trying to just push the stroller a little to calm him. INCONSOLABLE WAILS! So I pull him out of the stroller knowing it will probably be a fight to get him back in. There is poop EEEEEVVVVVERRRYYYWHEEERRREEE!!! He was wearing a onsie, a bib, a pair of socks, and a pair of pants. There was poop in his hair! So I throw him on his blanket on the floor and change him. I use up EVERY wipe I have cleaning his hair, back, stomach, legs, arms. I put a clean diaper on him and put his spare onsie on and he is happy on the floor kicking. So I start to gather up some stuff, consolidate the clothes into a reusable shopping bag I had. Then he starts again with the wails. Tears streaming down the face wailing. I pick him up to console him. He smells like poop. I look. Poop EVERYWHERE!
At this point I really want my own mommy, but I decided I was a big girl and could handle it. Just then what sounded like a little old lady knocked on the changing room door and asked if everything was okay since Johnny had now been banshee screaming for a good 5 minutes. I yell out everything is fine, and proceed to try to figure out how to clean up my baby with no wipes and no clean outfit. The blanket I was changing him on was already poopy, so I clean him with that and put yet another clean diaper on him. Despite the clean diaper he is still wailing.
So I proceed to try to nurse him. In the small stall. On a small stool. That wasn't working and he is still screaming. At this point there is another knock on my door and this time it was a cashier. She asked if everything was okay. In a very purposefully exaggerated frazzled voice I yell out "We had a poop explosion, and then another, I don't have a spare outfit and I'm out of wipes, everything is fine!" And she laughs a little too sympathetically or sarcastically and says if there is anything she can do to help she is right outside.
I proceed to flop down and sit on the floor holding my still screaming son perfectly naked in just a diaper. I then figure out a comfortable way to nurse him and after a few minutes he relaxes enough to eat, and that calms him down. 10 minutes later I figure it is time to emerge from the changing room even though I am perfectly mortified at this point. Oh well, I figure, If anyone out there has ever had a kid they understand. I was going to leave my purchase in the dressing room, but I figured after this ordeal I DESERVED IT. So I have gathered everything up, all poopy clothes are in the poopy bag and in the stroller, but I still have this naked kid. So I dig around and I find my nursing cover...aka hooter hider...I wrap him up in this thin piece of fabric knowing there are more clothes in the car. I go to just sit him in his carseat, no straps, and he starts to WAIL yet again.
FINE. This can't go on any longer, so I'll just carry you. Pick him up, smiles and sunshine, giggles and flirt. Okay, now we can leave the changing room. Walk up to the cashier with my purchase sitting on the stroller, pulling it behind me and holding a red faced and still sniveling Johnny in front. He is still perfectly naked. The cashier laughed, is that the little baby. Yep. Aren't they cute. They sure are. Are you okay to get to your car. Yep. Sorry I bothered you, but a lady came up and was concerned that there was something wrong with the baby. No problem, he just had the biggest poop explosion possible. Oooo...been there done that...they wait on the worst time to do it. Yep nothing I can do but laugh at this point. Oh you can cry later. I don't know this is kinda funny. Happy new year. You too.
So I know have to walk THE WHOLE WAY across the mall to get to my car carrying my naked baby wrapped in a pathetically thin piece of material and pushing the stroller. I get to the other side of the mall, sit him in his car seat when we are by the door. He screams, I just put my winter coat over him (I'm okay freezing), and kinda wrap him with that and put the top over the stroller and away we go to the car. Throw him in the car, throw the stroller in. Climb into the backseat with the spare outfit to greet my little protester. I look at him wrapped in my coat and nursing cover and decide, what the heck. I unwrap him and sit him in his carseat naked and strap him in. Call Mom, Dad, and Matt and tell them what happened as he is pathetically crying in the back seat. Suddenly he stops. I get him home. I smell poop.
It's bathtime. I get him upstairs and put him on the floor. I pull the poop items out of the bag. I look down. There is poop on my jeans, my sweater, and my tank.
He is laughing and rolling around on the floor and scooting around. Smiling and happy as can be. I pull out all the poopy stuff, go change. He is giggling at the ducky on the floor. I draw the bath, throw him in, and then Matt comes home.
The final tally is - 1 pair of jeans, 1 tank, 1 sweater, 1 pair of baby socks, 1 baby blanket, 2 onsies, 1 pair of pants, 1 bib, 1 pacifier (rolled off into the poop), 1 baby coat, 1 nursing cover, 1 reusable bag, 1 car seat, 2 diapers, a dozen wipes, and 1 very smiling happy baby kicking and splashing away in the bathtub as happy as can be. My socks were clean.
I love my little boy.
 |
| Basking next to his accomplishments |
 |
| Happy (and clean) baby |
No comments:
Post a Comment